Dark Thoughts
by grimmswan
Summary: Nick is hit with a toxin that gives him suicidal thoughts. Trigger warning for those who suffer depression. A happy ending is promised, of course. one shot


"Hey partner, you ok." Hank said, leaning in to get a better look at Nick's face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It stung for a second, but it's fine now." Nick said as he rubbed his eyes.

"It's a shame they don't give hazard pay to grimms. With all the times you've had something sprayed in your face." Monroe commented. "How many times is that now?"

"I've lost count." Nick deadpanned. He really wished wesen would stop spraying him in the face. But that seemed to be a go to for a lot of them.

"Maybe you should start wearing a mask?"

"Right, like that won't look strange to people." Nick retorted.

"It would fit with your whole superhero vibe." Hank teased.

"Ha ha. I'm going home and washing this stuff off." Nick wiped at his face. He didn't feel any discomfort, but he didn't want to have the stuff on him longer than necessary.

"Good idea. Let Rosalie and I know if anything bad happens."

"I wil." Nick smiled. Monroe and Rosalie were such good friends. Always there for him. Even though he had interrupted them a few times when he had been staying at Monroe's house. Nick felt very lucky to have them in his life. Because he didn't deserve them.

When he got home. Adalind was waiting for him. Someone else he didn't deserve. The beautiful blonde was way out of his league. It was a miracle she was with him.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, just let me shower quick. A wesen we were hunting decided to spray me instead of coming along peacefully."

"That's terrible. What kind of wesen was it?"

"I don't know and Monroe didn't get a good enough look at it to tell me. I'm afraid I had to shoot it. Didn't want him spraying the others."

"That's understandable." One of Adalind's favorite things about Nick was how he looked out for others. How quick he was to protect the ones he loved. It was no wonder he inspired such loyalty.

While in the shower, Nick thought about those in his life. All of his friends. He had put them in danger so many times. His grimm work was dangerous. He asked for backup from those he trusted. But maybe it was to dangerous to keep asking them. Monroe and Rosalie had kids now. Wu had gotten turned into a werewolf for helping Nick. And poor Hank's love life had become non existent since joining Nick in grimm work.

His friends didn't deserve to have their lives ruined on account of him. They deserved better.

Adalind deserved better too. She deserved someone who made more money. Someone who held more statis. Someone whose whole life was always inviting danger. Nick knew if he had walked away from Juliet when his aunt told him, things would not have turned out as bad as they did.

Maybe it was better for grimm's to be alone.

Nick stepped out of the shower. Adalind was waiting for him with a suggestive smile on her face. She pulled him into the bedroom and they made love. He paid attention to every little detail of her body. Knowing he didn't deserve to be touching any of it.

But how could he ever live without her? Without her love? Without her touch? She had become the air to him. She was his comfort. And his anchor. She kept him from spiraling out of control when the world got to be too much.

He didn't deserve her. He couldn't live without her.

She laid there curled against him. She was smiling contentedly and drifting to sleep. For a while he listed to her breathing, holding her tight and inhaling her scent.

No, he could never live without her. Never again.

The next day, Nick couldn't stop thinking about all of the things his friends were sacrificing for him. And he wondered if maybe their lives would be better without him in it.

Hank notices Nick acting more and more distant as the day passed. There seemed to be a sadness in those grey eyes that wasn't normally there. And a strange pain that Hank couldn't figure out the source off.

Too many years of working with Nick, had Hank dialing a few numbers.

He got Adalind, Monroe and Rosalie on a group call, and motioned for Wu to come to his desk and hear.

"I think there's something wrong with Nick. He's been acting really strange today. Like he's sad and in pain. I'm worried it has something to do with that stuff the wesen sprayed on him yesterday."

"A wesen sprayed something on Nick!" Rosalie near shouted. "Why didn't you bring him here to be examined? What kind of wesen was it?"

"Nick killed him before I got good look at what he was." Monroe said, feeling guilty that he hadn't been insistent on Nick being checked over.

Adalind had been quiet during the whole interactions. But she spoke in a calm and quiet manner, that still conveyed how serious she knew the situation to be. "We need to find Nick right now. If this is what I think it is, we might end up losing Nick by his own hand."

Wu used Nick's phone gps to pinpoint where he was. He messaged the others.

"It looks like Nick is in his car, but he's not answering his phone." He then told them the area Nick was in.

"He's heading to the ruins where he took my power's" Adalind told them. "We need to get there fast."

Adalind got Diana and Kelly into her car, and drove as fast as she could. Hoping they would get there before it was too late.

"Mommy? You seem really upset, what's wrong?" Diana asked.

"Nick is in trouble sweety. He's very sick and he might end up hurting himself."

Three cars parked around Nick's truck, but of course he wasn't in it and the group knew they still had to move on foot to where Nick might be.

"He's close by, I can smell him." Monroe said, rushing into the forest, the others close behind.

Adalind, carrying Kelly, kept whispering, "Hold on NIck, just hold on a little longer. We love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave me."

When they finally got to the clearing, they saw Nick sitting on a fallen tree, gun in his hand and pointed directly at his head.

He squeezed the trigger and ….

Nothing happened. Nick looked at his gun in confusion. Then it drifted out of his hand and landed on the ground a few feet from the group.

"Thank you, Diana." Adalind said as she ran to Nick with Kelly in her arms.

"Nick. Nick. I'm right here. Kelly's right here." She sat right up against Nick and put Kelly in his lap.

The rest of the group moved closer, leaving the gun on the ground behind them.

In between placing kisses all over Nick's neck and face, Adalind explained. "That wesen sprayed a chemical on Nick that made him suicidal. I've heard of it happening before. It magnifies dark thoughts. Forcing a person to believe they are unloved and unwanted. Or that they don't deserve the life that they have. Sometimes making them feel guilty for even having people in their lives."

"So it's like, giving someone depression, on steroids?" Monroe asked.

"Yes"

"How do we reverse it?" Rosalie asked.

"First we get Nick home, and make sure he is never left alone for the next thirty six hours. Then I make up a potion to give him, that will have him confess his deepest darkest fears and concerns."

They loaded Nick into the passenger seat of Adalind's car. Wu, who had ridden in Hank's car, took Nick's keys and offered to drive the vehicle back to his and Adalind's place, and placed the detective's gun in the glove compartment.

The whole way home, Nick mostly kept his head down, occasionally glancing at Adlind with the most painfully longing expression on his face.

Once they got Nick home, they sat him on the couch. Hank sat on one side and Monroe on the other, Kelly was placed in his daddy's lap.

Diana stared at Nick. She didn't like what she was feeling from him. He was usually happy, but at that moment he seemed very sad. Like he was about to cry. It felt wrong. Like it wasn't him. Yet, it was coming from him.

Diana heard her mommy say there was a potion that would flush the toxin out of Nick's system, it would just take a day. Diana did not think it was right for Nick to feel so bad for a whole day.

She approached him and cupped his face in her hands. Everyone saw her eyes glow violet.

When her eyes went back to blue and she had let got of Nick's face, Diana stepped back and smiled.

Nick smiled back at her. "Thank you twice, Diana."

"You're welcome Nick" Diana said with a proud smile on her face.

Adalind abandoned the potion she had been making and rushed to Nick. "Are you alright now?"

He nodded and she hugged and kissed him, making Kelly giggle and Hank and Monroe slightly uncomfortable.

"Man, I am so glad you're ok. Life would kinda suck without you." Monroe said, giving Nick a hug once Adalind had stepped back a little.

Hank did the same. "I got to agree. Life's way more interesting with you in it, partner."

Nick said nothing, not really trusting his voice. He had been bombarded with thoughts that he wasn't loved or wanted. That he didn't deserve the life he had or the people in it. And now, he could see clearly how much he meant to everyone.

So instead, he held his son and enjoyed his world around him.


End file.
